Day 22 - Thoughtful Day of Rest

 I can't believe it is already three weeks down!

When I say that today was a day of rest, I mean that literally.  Last night was the third or fourth night of not falling asleep until the wee hours.  I woke up around 9:00, got up briefly, ate a banana, and then crawled back into bed.  Mistake or not, I slept until 2:00!  I do that occasionally.

Then I ended up not doing hardly anything except some reading.  I needed to do a grocery pickup, so I scheduled that--first time available was 6:00 p.m.    I had a lot of veggies on the list, so I definitely needed those.

I spent quit a bit of time reading and in prayerful thinking.  I was praying quite a bit about going back to Al-Anon.  Since I tend to react very emotionally to things in the beginning, I wasn't as enthused today; but the more I pray about it, the more I think it's a good step.  Since this blog is mostly about weight loss, I'll just mention that any inner work I do will greatly increase my chances of success.  I remind myself that we are still in the middle, hopefully near the end, of the pandemic, so social changes may come slower than normal.  I'm not sure if either WW or Al-Anon have started back meeting.  

Here's a quote from what I'm reading today:

. . . . the extent to which you have invested in the interior work will dictate your ability to set the right goal for yourself.  In other words, if you are disconnected from self, bouncing like a ping-pong ball impulsively reacting to the world around you without mindfulness and conscious intention, then it is unlikely your instincts are trustworthy enough to set an optimal trajectory for yourself.  In such a case, you will likely focus on the wrong things.  For example, the new car or promotion you mistakenly project will "fix you" rather than upon addressing the emotional drive beneath that itch.

That's a very good description of how I have lived a lot of my life.  I always buried myself, my true self, in other's expectations, my wrong expectations, my old religious mindset.  The last few years, I have begun to discover my true self; and it is a tough journey--many times, very jolting and gut-wrenching.  I have had huge meltdowns quite a few times.  

**(As far as weight loss goes, I do think I am much closer to my true desires.  Many times, I have felt so much pressure to eat a certain way, and I would over-react to that pressure.  Or I just wanted to get the weight off and then go back to eating the way I used to eat (which never works).  I am getting more in touch with desires for true health and discovering how I want to follow that path, not how someone else wants me to do it.  Fortunately, Weight Watchers offers a ton of flexibility, so it gives me a lot of room to discover how I actually want to do Weight Watchers.)  

A couple of years ago, when I didn't even want to get out of bed, I was probably getting closer to where I needed to be in finding my true self.  I think I was giving up or "dying to" so many of those wrong mindsets and things I didn't want to have or ways I didn't want to be.  I see myself getting closer to the other side, into some true life.  What a journey.  But I loved this quote.

The author, Rich Roll, emphasizes starting the day with intentionality and some quiet inner work.  I realized I haven't been doing that.  My mornings tend to be very unintentional.  These times are usually quiet, but I'm usually rather numbed out for the first couple of hours, mostly just doing things on my phone.  I want to try to find a meaningful morning routine which will help me make progress in my inner work.   

It's probably obvious that my lowest times are in the morning.  I think a lot of the reason is that when I start drifting off in bed, my mind will tend to skip over to older negative thoughts.  When I realize this, I usually immediately bring them back to new ways of thinking, but building those new ways takes time.  Inner work generally focuses a lot on gratitude and mindfulness, being in the present moment.  I'll have to talk about all of that another day.

I did absolutely no exercise on my "day of rest."  I only have 1500 steps so far, and I'm not sure where those steps came from, lol.  But I think my knees are grateful.  I read all the time about muscles needing days off to recover.  I was actually resisting that, so maybe this lazy day was meant to be.

I ate more veggies today, though not as much as I would have liked since I didn't pick up groceries until 6:00.  I had a banana and oatmeal earlier, later a peanut butter sandwich.  For dinner I cooked some veggies (yellow squash, red bell pepper, mushrooms and onions) for a veggie wrap with some hummus, avocado and salsa.  I always love those.  I also had some almonds and an apple this evening. plus a Fiber One bar.  This all adds up to about 23 points and 1000 calories.  So far, the day has been all plant-based except for a little milk on my oatmeal.  

I've noticed that the brief times I've tried plant-based I immediately notice an uptick in energy.  It's probably partially due to these foods being lighter and easier to digest.  With Keto, everything felt super-heavy, and it took me a long time to feel any energy at all.  

I guess that's all I have for today.  I'm glad for a good day of quietness and some more direction.:)