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Day 26

I did end up cheating yesterday.  I snacked more before I went to bed.  I probably had over 2000 calories yesterday.  But I don't think it was more than the calories I burned.  I still didn't want to get on the scales this morning.  I do need to watch it the next time I have a crash like this.  I think it would have been much better if I just went and took a nap.  

But I was back on track today.  I started out with a walk--not too long, maybe about 1 1/2 miles.  Instead of the usual oatmeal I had Grapenuts with raisins for breakfast.  Yum!  I had a bowl of my bean soup that I made a couple of days ago for lunch along with five crackers.  Later a peanut butter sandwich, apple, some baked Cheetos, a banana.  For dinner I had a very small tortilla with sautéed veggies and hummus and a small waffle.  A small handful of almonds later in the evening.  I really should quit eating the waffles; that's not a good habit to get into!  

After lunch, I jogged 15 minutes.  I did feel feverish again, but I didn't have the weakness and fatigue I had yesterday.  I had close to 9000 steps.  Some of that was with housework:  sweeping, mopping, changing beds, dishes, laundry.  

My kids are coming in tomorrow!   

* * * * * * *

On another subject, I have been noticing some thawing of emotions the last few days.  Several times, I have felt touched by a story or a news item that made me tear up a bit.  It felt so good.  I have felt too numb for a long time.  

I'm reading another book right now called 10% Happier by Dan Harris.  He was describing a time in his life when he was over in the Middle East as a wartime correspondent and later experiencing panic attacks and fatigue (which turned out to be depression).  His psychiatrist made the comment that he had unknowingly suppressed a lot of emotions.  Harris was just thinking he was handling everything very well, but the panic attacks (and also some subsequent drug use) proved otherwise.  It was a reminder to me to learn how to release pent up emotions.  Most of my life, I have suppressed so many of them, and a lot of times I feel like I don't have the appropriate emotions for certain situations.  I'm loving these new feelings I'm having.

I have noticed that these posts in this blog don't really flow like I would like.  I'm having trouble finding the words to be truly expressive; the words seem stilted.  I believe I will get there.  

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