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From Low and Slow to an Upbeat Day

 Another day, another post.

My day started a bit late and slow, like many days.  (It took a very long time to fall asleep again last night.  It seems like when that happens, it takes a few days to fall asleep easily again.  I managed to not sleep extremely late, though.)  Thank goodness, my day doesn't have to end in that negative way.  I was sitting around too much and not in a very good place mentally.  I knew I had to get the income taxes done, if nothing else.  Plus I had my meeting with A. tonight.

I was extra hungry this morning and afternoon.  I started with a 250-calorie sandwich, but it didn't feel like it made much of a dent with my hunger pains.  A few minutes later, I had a small bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, then an Atkins bar, coming to around 600 calories.  That held me for awhile, and I was determined to discipline myself the rest of the afternoon.  

I finally got started on the taxes, slogged through it, and finished except for checking the numbers carefully and making a final copy.  I'll have to do that first thing tomorrow, run to Staples to copy it (my printer is not printing right) and get it in the mail.  Part way through, I decided I needed to get some exercise and jogged 16 minutes.  I was happy that I felt quicker today and more energetic.

I fixed spaghetti for Jake, but I decided to eat at IHOP when I met A.  I checked the menu for something somewhere around 400-500 calories, or even less.  It was a choice between grilled tilapia, chicken or pancakes, lol.  Well, I took the pancakes, which came to 500 or 550 calories with the calories.  That left me at 1150 calories for the day.  We had a very good meeting.  A. seems so wise and we click very well spiritually.  I had told her I wanted to start over with Step 1 and thoroughly work all 12 steps.  I have cut my progress short in the program several times, wrongly thinking I was doing so well I didn't need to do it.  Actually, few people "graduate" from the program.  It is a lifetime thing.  

A. gave me a lot of homework, which I wanted!  It gives me a purpose and a direction, which I sorely need right now.  One thing we talked quite a bit about is my emotions (or lack thereof).  The first time I worked through the steps (only getting halfway through Step 4), I was doing it too much mentally for the most part and not listening to my emotions much.  This time, I want to throw my heart into it and let buried emotions come up as they will.  Not to overly dwell on them or wallow in them, but to actually let long dormant emotions come up without stuffing them back down.  So I have plenty of homework to keep me working all week.  We plan to meet every Tuesday at 7:00 at IHOP for the foreseeable future.  

I got home about 9:45, read some more of a book I am enjoying, then around 11:00, decided to get some steps in.  I was only a little over 4000, even with the 16-minute jog, and I actually got up to 10,000 a minute past midnight.  I just had a smoked turkey sandwich with mustard and 45-calorie bread, which puts me at about 1350 with 2450 calories burned.  That's pretty good, I think.  

I was pleased with how most of my day went in spite of the negative start.  It's very typical of how many of my days go, starting very low and slow in the morning then going uphill the rest of the day.  I think it is good to understand myself, that I tend to be that way in the morning and get more positive and upbeat as I go through the day.  It would be awesome if I got to where I started out upbeat--I think that would be awesome.  

So today, several things really pleased me.  1)  Getting the taxes done without too much hassle.  2)  Talking myself into exercising and actually getting in the 10,000 steps.  3) My meeting with A., getting me going in a definite direction.  I try to think of items like these not so much in the mindset of performance, which is my default mindset, but to think of them as definite steps getting me back into life and moving toward greater happiness and new discoveries and experiences.  

I have nothing on the schedule tomorrow (which is typical these days!) except to get the return in the mail.  Hopefully, I will spend a lot of time working on homework and making some wonderful discoveries.:)  

Until tomorrow.

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