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Keeping On

 I've had a pretty good week.  It seems like I've gotten a bit more under control every day.  Calories are under control.

Today, I had my oatmeal for breakfast.  Jake mentioned picking up Papa John's Pizza for dinner, which I okayed.  I did a bit of research.  We've been buying the extra large BBQ Chicken Pizza, which is 370 calories for 1/10th of a pizza.  I decided this time to have a green salad first and then stop at one slice.  My dressing was only 10 calories plus the greens (maybe 30 calories).  I did go back later and have a very small slice (probably 250 calories).  Since then I had a small bowl of cereal.  I was rather proud of having the green salad first.

I'm up to 25 minutes jogging!  I've been trying to think ahead and keep on jogging, not dropping out like I usually do.  I may level off at about 30 or 35 minutes and work on speed after that, not sure.  So will I take this jogging public?  Not sure about that either.  I did reach 10,000 steps, which was the first time in a while.  My hamstring is finally feeling much better, though I am still having some weird pains in that leg when I move sideways (I think from that fall a couple of years ago).  It didn't affect my running, though.  

I met A. for dinner on Tuesday night for our weekly meet.  It was rather grueling, mostly because we talked until 10:45!  We were talking about my issues with trusting God.  Step 2 states:   

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

The more honest I get with myself, the more I realize how hard it has been for me to just trust God.  I told A. that it's sort of like if I wait for Him, He may never show up and just leave me sitting here forever.  I always feel like I have to get up and take care of things myself.  So she asked me to make a list of what I feel like he hasn't helped me with or answered for me.   

I meditated on that quite a bit today.  I actually am having trouble at coming up with a list.  I think a lot of those feelings arise from misconceptions I have about God.  I'm coming to realize more and more how much freedom God gives me to make choices in my life.  And usually the bad things that have happened to me as an adult came from wrong choices I made.  I can't blame that on God.  

I also tended in the past to think of surrendering to God as drudgery and work, work, work.  What about casting my cares, releasing others into God's care, finding spiritual rest, freedom to enter into life.  That doesn't sound like drudgery to me!  It's amazing how much "stinkin' thinking" we do when we really look.  

Those thoughts are just the beginning of my work on Step 2.  I really want to get this step down; I think it is a huge key to my peace and joy.  

Another thing A. kept stressing was my learning to enjoy life and quit beating up on myself (and others).  Much of my life, I really thought it was selfish to learn to enjoy life.  It's a hard habit to break.  I also tend to think that "living and enjoying life" means a lot of busyness.  I'm reminding myself that that is also a lie.  Many who have embraced minimalism are finding that out.  

Now for the weekend with much cooler weather!

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